losing control

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission” – Gandhi

If you can see the future, you can save it. I’ve always been sure of myself ever since I was young. I have never lost control of myself with anything that I did. If anyone tried to anger me I’d always find a solution. And I must say I don’t know where my ability for conflict resolution came from but it’s a gift I have and am (honestly) sometimes happy about it and other times am dead sick of it.

I mean why can I not just lose control and yell out or lash out at another human being that’s being mean or rude to me? Why do I have to be so in control all the time? Does it show my weakness because I choose to take charge? For me being in control means thinking things through and seeing the end result before anyone else. And I do that a lot. It’s one of those mental things I do.

It’s like time stands still and I run different variations in my mind about the outcome of a situation am presented with and I choose which outcome I want. Yes I do. Sound strange now but it’s true.

This has put in in regrettable situations in my life some I do regret but others I get to see the bigger picture that I failed to see the first time. It’s like that movie “Next” with Nicholas Cage where he could see the future to a certain point.

I have reached at that center of my life (if you believe demographics about life expectancy) and am just starting to piece things that were blind to me because I thought things through a little too much. You know: marriage, finding the right woman, having money before you get married blah blah blah…. Now I see that I should just let things go. You know “free myself from mental slavery” as it were (thanks Bob Marley).

MIDWAY upon the journey of our life, I found myself within a forest dark.
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.

So I have decided to turn that new leaf. Take that road less traveled. And an email from my good-life-pal set me straight when he emailed me about what he’s been up to and how he and his wife are now making changes in their live, not because they planned them, but accepting the things that happen when things get out of control when you thought you had then in control.

It was indeed a timely blessing to hear from my friend. It’s like he heard my cry out for help and wrote what he did just for me. I would share what he’s written but I need his permission.

But the moral of the story is: learn to let go and accept the new paths that fall in your way when “life throws you a curve ball” (it’s a baseball thing). Marry that girl even when you don’t have money but feel it is the right moment to do so: take that job far away if it feels right coz you may regret it later in life. Say what you need to say to the people you love (or hate) it frees the mind and soul from all that clutter: and puts a smile on your face. Fight for what you want because when the (live to fight) another day come you will still be hiding form your true self. Let it out and let it go. Love live and take in life with all its problems: because without them these problems you wouldn’t be human. And life would not be as sweet.

“I don’t want to foresee the future.
I am concerned with taking care of the present.
God has given me no control over the moment following”.