Sometimes I think you just need to pluck a decision from the sky and run with it. I don’t think you should worry so much what others think or feel. Because I think that if you live your life right (according to the law of man and the religion you practice) you should be allowed to take/make decisions about your life with our fear and certainly without hesitation.
Some decisions are heart breaking for some of the people we love but rest assured that their hurt will pass and they will live long and happy live while you stress as to whether you should apologize or not. Just love your life. Am beginning to understand what that is now. I took a decision and whether good or bad I will follow it and put my whole hurt into it regardless of who feels hurt or not. Just to be honest if I hurt your feelings because I am doing something that I must do and the pain I cause is not directed at you but is because of the outcome of my struggle or fight to be better? I say get over it, be happy for me. You are getting a better friend after all.
Am not cold or heartless but I have realized that while I stress and fuss about my life being perfect with my relationship to my friends, I find that their lives are moving on without me and I have found myself alone at times wondering where my life went and why am still standing still. It’s a lonely place to be and trust me not even goggle maps will find that place. You have to be lost to find the place that cannot be found.
So I have begun my life anew so to speak. Like the knights on the quest for the Holy Grail in middle-evil-times I have taken a solemn vow to search for what I want in life and serve God. These two things will now drive me. No more hiding, no more “over-thinking-things” now I deal with crystal clear thoughts. That way I see the whole picture in the “master shot” with no need for edits. Anyone who’s ever shot a movie know that close ups and inserts are hard and lengthy to do. Thus no longer will I deal with things in my mind and tip-toe around situation; I am heading head on (pardon the pun) and grabbing bull by the horns. It just makes for better living really.
Do you have any idea how much we stress about the little things in life? Every single day! And for what? Just so we can have someone to hang out with at the club or bar? I think it is time for a serious paradigm shift. A paradigm shift that give me the “master shot” view of the scene without the close ups. I need to “do me” and by so doing I know I will become a better blessing for others that are around me. No fear, no back-tracking: Only moving forward.